flux

Apr. 24th, 2017 09:14 pm
oliviacirce: (barefoot//timepunching)
[personal profile] oliviacirce
I reread this poem yesterday, while I was trying to plan out the rest of the month; I'd actually forgotten how totally gorgeous it is, and like...yeah. Okay. This one.

Monet Refuses the Operation )

Con or Bust is live!

Apr. 24th, 2017 04:29 pm
yhlee: Gunn pointing his finger (AtS Gunn)
[personal profile] yhlee
Con or Bust, which helps fans of color attend sf/f conventions, is running its annual auction to raise funds. Please consider taking a look and perhaps bidding on something or signal-boosting! Offerings include signed books and ARCs, critiques, jewelry, food, and other items. (Be sure to check whether shipping is offered to your country--for food particularly this can be an issue due to customs.)

I am offering a critique of a full novel up to 120,000 words, which I will honor through the end of 2017, and return within 60 days of receipt of the manuscript. I hope some of y'all will consider bidding or spreading the word. =)
raven: TOS McCoy and Kirk frowning, text: "Well that's just maddeningly unhelpful" (st - MADDENINGLY UNHELPFUL)
[personal profile] raven
Friends, I am so tired, jet-lag is the worst. (I do not always like William Gibson, but he is spot-on about jet-lag: ".... her mortal soul is leagues behind her, being reeled in on some ghostly umbilical down the vanished wake of the plane that brought her here, hundreds of thousands of feet above the Atlantic. Souls can't move that quickly, and are left behind, and must be awaited, upon arrival, like lost luggage.”)

(On this basis, my soul left Singapore four days ago and is currently slouching towards Bethlehem. Onwards, onwards.)

Australia was wonderful, I really enjoyed it. I (mostly) enjoyed New Zealand; I was in Christchurch, Wellington (briefly), Lake Tekapo and Hanmer Springs. I do tend to feel uneasy in NZ though. The first time I went to Hanmer, a pack of white teenagers stared at me with hostile fascination until I cracked and left. It wasn't particularly pleasant and was replicated elsewhere in the rural South Island. So partly it was that, and partly it was the place in itself, but I really enjoyed Singapore. It's not my favourite place for various reasons - not least, I was travelling without my drugs because they're controlled substances there - but, well. I went on about this elsewhere but in Singapore people look like me. People on the street, popstars on TV. Adverts for make-up, adverts for wedding venues, adverts for law school - they all had girls like me in them. I wonder how much less utterly neurotic I'd be if I lived in an environment like that all the time, because there is a psychological pressure you don't notice until it's gone - until you spend a day thinking, oh, hey, I look pretty today, oh, hey, I said something funny and people laughed, and all those casual quotidian thoughts aren't followed with "Despite..." and a giant asterisk.

I read a fair bit while I was away, which is what I originally opened this tab to talk about I've been meaning to read the Moore graphic novels for years, and finally got around to it on the long flights. Watchmen - I wanted to like it more than I did. It's a critical darling, yep, I get it, and even on a visceral level, I get it, it's rich and complex and fascinating, I was swept up in it. But in the end I just found it distasteful and unsatisfying, which is a bit tragic. The women in the story exist to be raped or denied agency. And I loathe Rorschach - I loathe being placed in the mind of misogynist, homophobic, racist, anti-Semitic, tragic-childhood-waaaah men, and I particularly loathe ~narrative ambivalence~ in respect of them. Rorschach is not an anti-hero. I do not admire his integrity. It's a virtue in itself, but I don't admire it in bricks. And ultimately I don't know what the text is trying to tell me. Is it that being a superhero is possible, that being a hero is possible? Or is it 300 pages of nihilism? Either way, by the end I didn't care.

I liked V for Vendetta much better. I thought it was interesting and clever and hit a lot of the narrative tropes I adore. And then I had this thought, which I share with you because it's a sad, pathetic little thought and I'm sort of ashamed of it. Here it is. V for Vendetta is set in a near-future dystopian Britain, where the fascists are in charge and totalitarianism has seeped into the public's skin. It's richly and devastatingly imagined. It's a world in which there are explicitly no brown people and no queers - they've been destroyed by the regime. And I - the brown queer reader - am being placed in the position, as reader, of feeling empathy and concern for those who are left. For a now wholly white and non-queer society. For the story to work, I must be invested in what becomes of it. And I'm capable of it - this is the task of the brown queer reader, to find empathy and commonality of self, in that distant human for whom existence and interiority is permitted - and capable of it to the deeply ingrained, deeply socialised extent that it took me 200 pages to have this thought at all.

But I had it. And then I didn't enjoy the rest so much - but I did enjoy it a bit. Because, as I said, I've had the practice. In some ways, I'm wondering why I participate less and less in media fandom, and in other ways I know the answer: it's that I no longer want to encourage this tendency in myself. To queer the text, or run the fic challenge focusing on the browns, or whatever, is work. Unpaid female labour, in fact, which in my non-fannish life I yell about all the time. And I know I'm missing the point deliberately - fandom was never about the labour-for-capital economy, quite the reverse - but it's also emotional labour, isn't it. It's emotional labour to centre the brown or queer experience in stories that were not written about those things. It's emotional labour to just write or consume the white dude pairing du jour while carefully Not Thinking about the other thing - and as I get older I get crankier and less willing to do this. For me, the way through the Gordian knot is to write my own stories. It'd be different for someone else, perhaps, but that's it for me.

I also read Marbles, by Ellen Forney, which is a graphic memoir about living as a writer and artist with badly medicated bipolar disorder. I was both interested and nervous about this book, because it focuses on something I'm worrying about a lot lately: the relationship between creativity, medication and mental illness. It's a lovely book, actually. It's all grounded in a single experience, melodramatic and abrasive, without purporting to generalise. Forney decides that to be medicated is better for her, even if she does worry about its effect on her creativity, and makes significant effort to emphasise it wouldn't be the same for every mentally ill creator. It wasn't reassuring, but it wasn't meant to be. I liked it.

I read other things, but they'll have to wait for the next post. The drive-by rec though is for Tansy Rayner Roberts' Castle Charming novellas, which are sweet and colourful and queer fairy tale parodies. And the first one is free!

(Urgh. My soul is still plodding across the Middle East. It's taking in the sights. It's ordering olives and shakshuka. HURRY THE FUCK UP oh my god.)
trobadora: (mightier)
[personal profile] trobadora
Mondays are evil. Let's do a meme (via [livejournal.com profile] calliopes_pen):

Repost if it's okay for your followers/circle to leave you a comment telling you what the one thing is they remember you for as a writer. Is it a scene or a detail or a specific line? Is it something like style or characterization? Is it that one weird kink or trope they never thought they'd be into, but oh my god wow self-discovery time?

Today's writing:

Made a valiant effort at writing, but nearly fell asleep at the keyboard. Some notes, and about 300 words of dialogue. And now I'm off to bed before I keel over for real ...

Tally:

Days 1 - 20 )

Day 21 (LJ | DW): [livejournal.com profile] afrozenflowerr, [livejournal.com profile] auroracloud, [livejournal.com profile] doctor_jehane, [livejournal.com profile] esteliel, [livejournal.com profile] miss_morland, [livejournal.com profile] navaan, [livejournal.com profile] sylvanwitch, [livejournal.com profile] trobadora, [livejournal.com profile] ysilme, [livejournal.com profile] zippitgood (10 out of 13)
Day 22 (LJ | DW): [livejournal.com profile] auroracloud, [livejournal.com profile] doctor_jehane, [livejournal.com profile] esteliel, [livejournal.com profile] miss_morland, [livejournal.com profile] navaan, [livejournal.com profile] sylvanwitch, [livejournal.com profile] trobadora, [livejournal.com profile] ysilme, [livejournal.com profile] zippitgood (9 out of 13)
Day 23 (LJ | DW): [livejournal.com profile] auroracloud, [livejournal.com profile] esteliel, [livejournal.com profile] miss_morland, [livejournal.com profile] navaan, [livejournal.com profile] sylvanwitch, [livejournal.com profile] trobadora, [livejournal.com profile] ysilme, [livejournal.com profile] zippitgood (8 out of 13 so far)

Let me know if I missed anyone! And remember you can join in or drop in/out at any time. :)

a sad day

Apr. 24th, 2017 08:15 pm
such_heights: a hand cupping a candle (stock: candle)
[personal profile] such_heights
My dad passed away in his sleep last night, at the hospice where he's been receiving extraordinary palliative care for terminal cancer and resulting paralysis since late last year. He was 59.

I visited him a few times over the weekend. We ate dinner and watched Doctor Who as a family on Saturday night, and yesterday we sat and chatted and I held his hand and told him I loved him. I knew that might be the last time I saw him. These things do provide some comfort in an awful time.

My dad was a generous, hard working, and amazingly positive person and I know he touched a lot of people's lives. I'm so proud to be his daughter. He lived his life with tremendous gusto, creative spirit and an eclectic range of hobbies and interests. I've lost a parent, a mentor, and most of all a friend. I feel very lucky to know just how much he loved me and how he proud he was of me, as exemplified in the speech he gave at my wedding, which I have on video to keep forever.

The 3 ep rule

Apr. 24th, 2017 02:13 pm
chagrined: u gunna get ate (eating armin)
[personal profile] chagrined
I never actually follow the 3 ep rule but it seems like a good title for an entry about my thoughts 3 eps into the season haha.

Well, I definitely dropped plenty already this season but after 3 eps I am still watching 5 shows and 3 of them I really enjoy, so that's already 3x as many as last season haha.

The Eccentric Family S2 is probably tied for my favorite... It's just so good so far, honestly, I'm even more into it than I was into S1. They're developing the world even further and the characters/worldbuilding are just so wonderful, I can't wait to see more. There's some really great conflict going on this season already, especially regarding the two new characters, Nidaime and Tenmaya. If you like magical realism and/or characters who kind of seem human on the surface but once you get past that are totally different but it's often expressed in a lot of subtle ways, I can't recommend this series highly enough. Also it's great to look at. I'm so glad PA Works is focusing more of its efforts this season on this series even if it means Sakura Quest gets a little bit shafted. (But more on that series later.)

Tsuki ga Kirei gets my other tied-for-favorite spot. Which I really didn't expect even after the first episode! But episode 2 got me HARD, hook line and sinker. The production values are nothing amazing on this one, but it really gets and authentically portrays the awkwardness of first teenage love. One of the little details I've noticed is how dedicated this show is to like, highlighting awkward little mouth-sounds haha. Never below have I seen so much attention paid to sighs and breaths and an a cut-off attempt to start talking. XD Another thing, and one of my favorite parts of it, is the focus on communication through social media (specifically LINE). The show gets that spot-on, from how the kids have an easier time talking through that medium than face-to-face, to sitting and staring anxiously at your phone when you're waiting for a reply, to when you start to type out a message to someone and then delete it without sending haha. It's just so well done and adorable. If you love soft m/f teenage romance anime this is a must-watch imo.

KADO: The Right Answer rounds out the 3 series I am really liking. The cel-shaded 3DCG is probably the best I've seen in a TV anime so far and so far I am really into the plot. It's a very methodical and "thinky" first contact sci-fi story so far. Lots of talking and this whole focus on negotiation. And despite that the episodes just seem to fly by. Especially after the 3rd episode, it's one of those series that makes me think about it after I'm done watching. I've seen some people say it reminds them of American TV, and another friend compared it to The X-Files, which I can definitely see as well. It's definitely got that feel of like, "serious drama aiming itself at adults," even with the alien's very anime-looking costume haha (even though there's an in-universe explanation for why it looks so childish). Also the 3DCG really shines when they're showing the big cube KADO itself, which looks gorgeous. Anyway, I look forward to seeing how this show continues to develop.

And then the two shows I'm more "eh" about:

Attack on Titan S2 is still pretty much what I expected it to be. I feel like by ep4 it doesn't look as nice as ep1 this season did, but it hasn't yet dropped to the depths of how some of the eps in S1 looked. I'd say it's plenty enjoyable, but it's less so for me since I already read the manga. I guess I feel like I'm more watching it to keep up with the anime fandom zeitgeist. And I don't dislike it, but it hasn't wowed me much since the first ep or two. However, I must say, the ED this season is so good. I've seen people slam the animation in it for being hardcore spoilery, but I suspect people who haven't read the manga are not gonna be able to figure out much from it anyway haha. Anyway, I JUST LOVE THE SONG, A LOT. I think I love it even more than Guren no Yumiya. It's so perfectly creepy. I keep playing this extended version of it all the time haha.

Sakura Quest maybe aiming to be my disappointment of the season? Haha. It's not bad, it's just... There's nothing really compelling me to watch more of it either. I'm not interested in any of the characters yet, nor am I interested in the plot, and the visuals are nothing to write home about (see PA Works obviously focusing more on Eccentric Family haha). It's supposed to be third in their "working" series and I loved Shirobako so much, but I'm just not feeling this one so far! So maybe I will follow the 3 ep rule for once... As it is now this show just kind of feels like a waste of my time.


On the non-anime front, two nights ago I watched Logan and then last night I watched X-Men: Days of Future Past. I surprised myself by not really caring for Logan but really enjoying DOFP? Maybe Logan was overhyped to me... But I think I wouldn't really have loved it regardless. Despite all the talk of how different it was, the plot felt really tropey and predictable to me. Like, the only unusual thing was that it was being done with these particular characters. I guess I liked the first half or so of the film but then maybe after they left the hotel my enjoyment just kinda dropped off. DOFP on the other hand was also tropey as hell yet I enjoyed it all the way through (though okay I guess also I liked the first half or so better). Maybe because time travel is more one of my fave tropes, and maybe also I was just more into the overall tone of the movie. I enjoyed the action sequences a lot more too. They just felt a lot more fun/creative to me? Logan kinda just felt like a lot of gore and combat, but not in a way that interested me. Meh. I guess it was fun having Professor X drop the f bomb though, haha.

you hold an absence at your center

Apr. 24th, 2017 10:30 am
musesfool: Death of the Endless, captioned "I was there, too, before everything else" (what everybody gets)
[personal profile] musesfool
Today would have been my dad's 82nd birthday. It's so weird, because I remember having a conversation with my brother about how was he going to make it to a restaurant for his birthday dinner if the rehab didn't work out and he wasn't walking again in time? Joke's on me, I guess. Ha ha.

So here's today's poem, though I guess I've posted it before:

Grief

Somewhere in the Sargasso Sea
the water disappears into itself,
hauling an ocean in.

Vortex, how you repeat
a single gesture,
come round to find only

yourself, a cup full of questions,
perhaps some curl of wisdom,
a bit of flung salt.

You hold an absence
at your center,
as if it were a life.

~Richard Brostoff

***

Con or Bust Auction

Apr. 24th, 2017 06:50 am
marthawells: (Stargate)
[personal profile] marthawells
Bidding for the Con or Bust Auction starts today, April 24, 2017, and runs to May 7, 2017.


Con or Bust, Inc., is a tax-exempt not-for-profit organization (EIN: 81-2141738) that helps people of color/non-white people attend SFF conventions. Con or Bust isn’t a scholarship and isn’t limited to the United States, to particular types of con-goers, or to specific cons; its goal is simply to help fans of color go to SFF cons and be their own awesome selves. It is funded through donations and an online auction held annually.


Items to bid on include signed books, jewelry, critiques by editors, custom-made items, and much more.


My three items up for auction are:

* A signed personalized trade paperback of The Edge of Worlds
* A signed hardcover of The Harbors of the Sun
* A signed paperback of the novella The Murderbot Diaries: All Systems Red

Daily Happiness

Apr. 24th, 2017 01:21 am
torachan: arale from dr slump dressed in a penguin suit and smiling (arale penguin)
[personal profile] torachan
1. Day off tomorrow! I'm really looking forward to sleeping in.

2. It's been getting pretty warm during the day the last few days (especially yesterday) but thankfully it's cooling down a lot at night. I don't mind a few warm days, but I really don't want full-on summer weather just yet!

3. I had to go drive all over the place this morning to pick up a special order and deliver it to the customer (we don't usually do delivery but this customer is an exception) which was a pain, but I got reimbursed for my mileage so now I have some cash.

4. I played Zelda tonight and beat Windblight Ganon! That was the easiest of the three I've fought so far.

5. Jasper just can't resist wriggling around and doing silly poses in his sleep.

Yessssss

Apr. 24th, 2017 08:31 am
rydra_wong: The display board of a train reads "this train is fucked". (this train is fucked)
[personal profile] rydra_wong
Last Friday, Hope Not Hate filed their libel claim against Nigel Farage.

If you have any spare money you can afford to donate, you can help:

https://donate.hopenothate.org.uk/page/contribute/nigel-farage-legal

Honestly, I can't imagine anything nicer than watching Farage suffer in court and thinking "yes, I helped make that happen."

Vid/AMV recs?

Apr. 23rd, 2017 10:42 pm
oyceter: teruterubouzu default icon (Default)
[personal profile] oyceter
Thinking of putting together a playlist for the Wiscon Vid Party on morally ambiguous and ambitious women. Anyone have recs for vids or AMVs that showcase power-hungry women? POC characters or characters from games or anime preferred. I'd especially love something on Kuvira from Legend of Korra, Lady Eboshi from Princess Mononoke or Kushana from Nausicaa.

Also, I am feeling old... where does one go to look for vids nowadays? I did find a fair amount of Kuvira vids on YouTube, but nothing I liked so far, and animemusicvideos.org's search is incredibly frustrating.

Currently on the list: [personal profile] feedingonwind's A New Day (Mariah, Luke Cage), [personal profile] shati's Hope on Fire (Mishil, Queen Seondeok), [personal profile] starlady's Shuang Nu (Wu Zetian, Detective Dee).

(no subject)

Apr. 23rd, 2017 09:35 pm
sasha_feather: Retro-style poster of skier on pluto.   (Default)
[personal profile] sasha_feather
--Visited a local computer fix-it store that has lots of plants and a dog in the store! They said that while the part is cheap, the labor for replacing the port is several hundred dollars. And there may be other things wrong with this computer too. Told them I'd think about it.

--Started watching Black Sails, which is violent as all hell but I like the queerness and the politicking and the glimpse into pirate society. They must use a filter that makes blue really shine, and there are plenty of blue-eyed actors on the show.

--Playing Dragon Age: Inquisition on the xbox 360.

--It's been about 3 months since my last nerve block (already!) so it's time for another one; but I won't be able to get in for the appt for another few weeks.
aurumcalendula: (seven pointed supernova)
[personal profile] aurumcalendula
I Lived
I Lived by OneRepublic
Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay.
 
This makes me want to rewatch the series again (all of these do, tbh)!


One Voice
One Voice by The Wailin' Jennys
This is the sound of one voice.

This is really beautiful!


Stand By Me
Stand By Me by Tracy Chapman
The Sisko family.
 
The Siskos!
 

Suddenly I See
Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall
Suddenly I see, this is what I wanna be
 
Kira and Jadzia are lovely and and I love how happy this is!

Write Every Day 2017 - April Day 23

Apr. 23rd, 2017 11:18 pm
trobadora: (mightier)
[personal profile] trobadora
Wanting to write and being inspired to write isn't the same, and being inspired to write and having the energy to write isn't the same, either. Nor is having deadline pressure and, well, any of the above, of course. But today? Today it was just plain "don't wanna".

I used to try and push through, force myself to write, even if it involved staring at blank pages a lot. And when I have a deadline, of course I still do - the added adrenaline from that usually does get me going. But when there's no outside pressure? Sometimes, it's good to just let myself not write. Even while writing every day. *g*

Today's writing:

Ergo: alibi sentence, more or less. A few notes and a snatch of dialogue.

Well, and I finished my [community profile] holmestice sign-up, but after that I couldn't really bring myself to do much else.

Tally:

Days 1 - 20 )

Day 21 (LJ | DW): [livejournal.com profile] afrozenflowerr, [livejournal.com profile] auroracloud, [livejournal.com profile] doctor_jehane, [livejournal.com profile] esteliel, [livejournal.com profile] miss_morland, [livejournal.com profile] navaan, [livejournal.com profile] sylvanwitch, [livejournal.com profile] trobadora, [livejournal.com profile] ysilme, [livejournal.com profile] zippitgood (10 out of 13)
Day 22 (LJ | DW): [livejournal.com profile] auroracloud, [livejournal.com profile] doctor_jehane, [livejournal.com profile] esteliel, [livejournal.com profile] miss_morland, [livejournal.com profile] navaan, [livejournal.com profile] sylvanwitch, [livejournal.com profile] trobadora, [livejournal.com profile] ysilme, [livejournal.com profile] zippitgood (9 out of 13 so far)

Let me know if I missed anyone! And remember you can join in or drop in/out at any time. :)

How to resuscitate dying electronics

Apr. 23rd, 2017 03:57 pm
sineala: Mac laptop whose Apple logo has no bite (Young Wizards reference); text reads "my other Mac is a manual" (my other Mac...)
[personal profile] sineala
So I have one of those Apple Time Capsules. Mine is clearly on the way out, as a couple months ago it stopped backing anything up no matter how much I reset it; it just kept insisting it wasn't on the network. I was getting more and more concerned about not having any working backups (well, other than my writing, which is on Dropbox) and getting tired of clicking past error messages saying "no backups for 45 days" and so on.

I therefore decided to buy an external hard drive because apparently you can get 1 TB for about $50 now and you don't even need to plug it into an outlet because it draws power over USB and also it is basically the size of my smartphone. None of these things were the case the last time I bought an external hard drive. I am impressed.

So I went to start backing up my hard drive just now and I discovered... that my Time Capsule's last backup was 5:40 am. This morning. The drive that hasn't been working for two months spontaneously decided to start working again because I showed up with a replacement.

Well, I guess that's one way to fix things.

(Don't worry, I'm still doing another backup anyway.)

this new universe i'd fallen into

Apr. 23rd, 2017 03:45 pm
musesfool: Ahsoka Tano (my power's turned on)
[personal profile] musesfool
So how about them Rangers? *g* That was a very exciting game last night, and I am very glad to have been proved wrong about the Rangers losing in 6. I don't know if they will make it out of the second round, but I'm happy to get the chance to find out! (I say that now, but come game time, I will be cursing my life.) Now I'm rooting for the Sens to put the Bruins away.

***

So I've been ordering my groceries online recently, which is very convenient and somewhat cheaper, but today, I got an email saying they might be up to 3 hours late, and then they were half an hour early (luckily, I was awake and dressed), and they were missing my weekly order of yogurt and also all my lunch fixings. So I got refunded for the missing items, and had to go to the store anyway. Oh well. It's a beautiful day out, anyway.

***

[tumblr.com profile] silveronthetree told me there should be an Obi-Wan/Satine Thin Man AU and now I desperately want it to exist without having to write it myself (I did add it to my list, though). She already has the martini glasses! *g* They very definitely have that 30s screwball vibe.

Other things Star Wars fandom could provide me with: more completed stories (what is with everything being epic and in progress? I guess fanworks follow canon forms in some ways? idek); more Obi-Wan/Satine (especially AUs where she lives), and also some Obi-Wan/Ventress frenemies sex; more Anakin/Ahsoka; more Anakin/Lady Obi-Wan porn (what even is the point of Obi-Wan being a woman if there isn't going to be a lot of filthy porn? IJS); more Finn/Rey and Finn/Rey/Poe; more Han/Leia, more Leia with her parents (both sets), I mean, really, more Leia in everything, always.

***

Today's poem:

Looking at Pictures of My Daughters
by Maureen Scott Harris

for Jessica and Katharine

I've taken so many pictures of you from behind,
mesmerized first by the way your hair
spiralled around your perfect baby skulls
mirroring snailshell and galaxy, this
new universe I'd fallen into.
Year after year I looked at you looking away.

But here's a picture I'd forgotten:
foggy weather and you stand, backs to me and larger
than I knew, on an apron of rock at
the sea's edge.
I can't see your expressions, I don't
know how you feel, there, where
the waves are dark and larger than life.
There's nothing between ocean and sky and
my fear falling into the picture

Standing behind you I hold my heart tight, not
letting out the fear:
that you will be swept away,
that you will turn and see me, hand
across my mouth, eyes round and terrified and

I want you to be happy.
Standing behind you I don't have to see myself
reflected in your eyes, the three of us so muddled
in my heart I can't skim us apart.
I want to be perfect, better
than my mother. My gaze is
the weight on your shoulders. It stiffens your necks.

***

one love

Apr. 23rd, 2017 03:28 pm
oliviacirce: (troy and abed in pajamas//forsquares)
[personal profile] oliviacirce
An extra poem for today (or for April 16), only a little bit because I was talking with a friend about Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead the other day, and that play always makes me think of tennis. Tennis, and death possibly being a boat.

The International Open (Tennis Players vs. Poets) )

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eruthros: Delenn from Babylon 5 with a startled expression and the text "omg!" (Default)
eruthros

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