eruthros: Delenn from Babylon 5 with a startled expression and the text "omg!" (BtVS cheeseman nonsense)
So, for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, because [personal profile] thingswithwings explained them so clearly here, I went looking for Bruce/Johnny (Dead Zone) fic today. And I was so excited! Yesterday I only looked at yuletide, but I found Dira Sudis's Sympathy for the Devil, which was really good, so what would today bring?

Well, here is what it brought. I quote below the opening of every story I looked at today:
    "I'm telling you, Johnny, you have to go with me or I'm going to commit Hari-Kari!" Bruce exclaimed. [what? seriously?]

    Bruce Lewis knew about the pain. He had seen Johnny rub his ribs, his neck, even his butt. He also rubbed his eyes a lot. [sadly this did not transition into "other places Bruce wished Johnny would rub," though it obviously should have]

    The glass was half-empty, definitely, which is why Johnny felt not the least bit guilty about abandoning his martini and ordering a beer to replace it. Now if the glass had been half-full, that would have been something else entirely. [deeeeep]

    It was a little pathetic that Tuesday Night Movie With Bruce was the social highlight of his week. It was like high school all over again, except there would be no making out with Sarah at the end of it, or in the middle of it, or before the movie even started. [Or at intermission, or while waiting in line for popcorn, or other times as well.]

    The sunlight shines brightly today. The warm rays streaming through the glass illuminate so many things, some beautiful and others mundane. Standing back in the shadows by the couch, I wait. Wishing that by simply moving into the sunlight that it could somehow illuminate the dark corners of my heart. [Awww, dark corners of my heart! I am nostalgic for bad Sentinel fic.]

    It should have been easy to hate Johnny Smith. Okay, so it wasn't such a good thing to hate someone just for waking up from a coma, but it should been easy despite the moral fuzziness of the situation. [Moral fuzziness!]

    I was pacing the waiting room, pretty much like your clicheed lion. I ran a nervou hand over my head-- Okay, a tiger, then-- no more mane. [Seriously. Bruce isn't a lion any more guys!]

    I didn't know quite what to tell him-- or if I should tell him-- about what I saw before waking. I know that I chose something, when I came out. I mean, the metaphor was pretty clear, wasn't it? All that was missing was a little path forking from where I stood. [Color me confused; I still don't know how this relates to the story.]
I am not even joking, guys, I went through ten tabs in a row, I didn't leave anything out, that is the Dead Zone fic I saw today. I am... kind of charmed. And also laughing a lot.
eruthros: Delenn from Babylon 5 with a startled expression and the text "omg!" (BtVS cheeseman nonsense)
Speaking of crossovers (as I'm sure we all were), take a look at this. Someone recommended this to me.

So. Wrong. I mean, the writing is pretty bad, but there's something else that's even more wrong. Hint: one of the members of SG-1 is sekritly Harry Potter.

Aiiya.
eruthros: Delenn from Babylon 5 with a startled expression and the text "omg!" (BtVS cheeseman nonsense)
So for reasons that were really no reasons at all, I was looking for this Star Trek: Voy/Seaquest crossover with a Harry Kim/Lucas Wolenczak pairing (no, really). I originally read it five or six years ago on the Belynda's Slash Archive/Complete Kingdom of Slash, back before the CKoS underwent revamping and ended up a weird interface and none of the original stories reuploaded (which is now an irrelevant complaint, as CKoS is kaput). Looking for the current location of something that random is ... not easy.

But! I found it! It is here, at Emerald Night, Cinder's current location. I waybacked CKoS, tracked down the original story, found the author's name (though not the text of the story, which oddly was not waybacked), googled that, found rec lists with her then-webpage, waybacked that (no luck; it was a dencity webpage, which means wayback has nothing), gambled that her current webpage have the same keywords as the dencity webpage, googled for that, and ta-da! (That is much more linear that original, which contained a number of sidetracks that petered out in the same sets of bad links.) All this, just to prove my memory right: it's actually a triple-crossover, since Lucas has a sekrit past with Adam Pierson. (Also, it is about as ridiculous as I remember. ETA: Also, apparently, there are WIP sequels to it in which Q turns Harry and Lucas into bunnies. Um. Also, the same author has a Sentinel/SG-1 story in which Daniel is referred to as a curly-haired anthropologist, which... no.)

Also, why is Seaquest not out on DVD? The first season was fun, even if it was basically underwater TNG.
eruthros: Yoda in Dagobah swamp, caption "slimy? mudhole? my fandom this is!" (SW - slimy mudhole fandom)
I'm not really on Sentinel lists anymore -- I'm still subscribed to P-L but not much comes out on it these days, and I bailed on all the fiction lists except for TLAD (which averages like two posts a month) ages ago. But today I suddenly took it into my head to go glance over new stories on 852 Prospect since I'd last checked ... which would be probably two years ago.

Things I found:

When I stopped reading unrecced stories in TS, Harry Potter fandom hadn't really made the big time. Not so now: BS Doesn't Always Stand for Blair Sandburg. Yep, that's right: this is a Harry Potter/Sentinel crossover. Even worse? Blair's a wizard. Worse than that? He's Severus Snape's love child. Severus. Snape's. Son. I just had to share the pain.

Ooooh, look! MPREG! But you wanna know what's unusual? Jim's the one who's pregnant. It's a sentinel mating-imperative thing. Problem, Child.

Predator, which demonstrates quite conclusively that the bad-anthro-theory fucked-up Sentinel serial-killer story is still alive and well. (If that's not an official genre in TS, it should be. It's why I adored [livejournal.com profile] cesperanza's Armchair so much.) Oh, and there's also In Deepest Consequence, which does the same for the one-of-the-other-cops-is-a-serial-killing-homophobe story. Whee?

Speaking of people who should have thought for a moment about reductio ad absurdum, or at the very least read one of [livejournal.com profile] cesperanza's stories (and I think y'all will instantly recognize which one I mean), I present The Littlest Guide, which features a two-year-old Blair bonding with ten-year-old Jim. I couldn't stand it long enough to skim for the plot, but I did read the first few paragraphs. On top of the basic two-year-old Blair problem, we have the "irritating baby talk" problem ("I no baby. I Blair. You mine. I you Guide. Sniff, now.") and the "spelling? grammar? pah!" problem (on one occasion, Blair is referred to as a "Guild") and the "indefinable Blair-ness of his scent" problem (Blair apparently smells like cinnamon and can release said scent on demand). *shudders*

Legion is still writing TS. Now, I think I first read one of her stories in ... 97? 98? Which makes that an incredibly long stay in a fandom. *is impressed*

Also? Through extensive skimming research, I have determined that Blair is now characterized as a screamer rather than a moaner. I don't know what this means, but that's someone else's job. (He still bounces, though. Constantly.)

***

*sighs* Oh, thank heavens.

I thought to myself "self, you have posted a most disturbing set of links, demonstrating that TS fandom still contains far too many 300K angst-o-ramas. Surely you must be able to find one good thing. Just one positive recommendation. That's all it'll take. Something to perk up your post."

And then I couldn't -- I started the first part of this post last Thursday. I scrolled back to January in 852 Prospect. I clicked on short stories and long stories and, really, anything that didn't have typos in the summary, and I bailed on almost all of them in the first sentence. Nothing! Nothing at all!

And now I have finally found something good and, though it's not a surprise, it's really the best I can do: [livejournal.com profile] jacquez wrote another installment in her Dog Tags series. The Illusionist is a good story. Sadly, it's a story by someone I've read and liked before, and thus really not what I was looking for at all, but at the moment? I'll take what I can get.
eruthros: Delenn from Babylon 5 with a startled expression and the text "omg!" (BtVS cheeseman nonsense)
I discovered the following absolutely fabulous grammatical error in a story summary today:

"[blahblahplotblah] ... in an attempt to improve his marriage's sex life."

His marriage is having sex with ... other marriages?

I really, really want to use this example in my next TPR course, when we talk about all sorts of misplaced modifiers and faulty comparisons and other things that make a sentence not say what it means, but somehow I don't think they'd go for it. I'm probably stuck with endless example sentences about Elvis and toupees instead. Le sigh.
eruthros: Delenn from Babylon 5 with a startled expression and the text "omg!" (BtVS cheeseman nonsense)
As near as I can tell, this headline makes exactly no sense: "Wal-Mart warns on profits target." And it's a bbc.co.uk headline, yet! (I can work out what they mean based on the article -- blah blah Walmart thinks it'll be below expected profits blah -- but.)

In recent story summaries that I've received on hpfanficrecs (the things that get recced make me wince) or have seen while browsing, we have the following:

"There's no Harry Potter,but Avernus Noir.Harry had been neglected since his sister was the Girl Who Lived.At four,Harry had been kicked out of his home because a baby.Adopted by the Noir family, Harry attended Hogwarts when he was 15.Vote!Poll Inside."

I do not understand this at all. He was kicked out of the Potter family because a baby... what? Was born? Hung out? Taught salsa dancing? And then he was adopted, and then was ... a late admission to Hogwarts? Students of non-traditional age?

***

"Ranma Soatome hasn't been feeling to well lately. He's been breaking out into fevers and even having fainting spells. But the end result just might make him the new student of Hogwarts."

This may well be my favorite ridiculous crossover EVER. I quote the first paragraph:
"Voldermort was sitting in his chair. He tried to get close to Harry to kill him but was too unknowingly well protected. Stupid undercover Auras. Voldermort considered himself the most powerful wizard ever but even he had his limitations. Question was: what was he going to do?"
... Soatome! Voldermort! As near as I parse the second sentence, Voldermort was unknowingly well protected, which rendered him unable to kill Harry! And my favorite: undercover Auras! *dies laughing*

***

"Touch is heaven and hell, pain and relief. Touch is deliberately caused. Or not? Can you distinguish love from hate, lust from indifference in the touch? Sometimes you don't seem to know at all; can't judge coincidence from intention; can't trust yourself. You can only give in and let the fingers burn you, brand you, own you."

... oookay. The story is actually decent; the author just needs to get someone else to write summaries. Because "Touch is deliberately caused. Or not?" is just too giggle-worthy for words.

***

"This is about Harry in his 6th year. it corresponds with 'What Goes Around, Comes Around.' it's going to be funny. i know i made the first chapter really suck, but that's life. it'll get better. i promise!(crossees fingers:even though i suck at writing!)"

I have no words. None.

***

"Tom Riddle, a name associated with fear, darkness, and unimaginable evil and power. Yet there was one who knew something else. One who watched quietly in the background as a greatevil grew. This is the story of Aurelia Hymes... the girl who loved Tom Riddle"

Shouldn't that say "... the girl who was a Mary Sue?" And this was RECCED, people. RECCED. I quote the first paragraph:
"He watched her, and studied her every movement - the way her blonde curls glimmered in the light, and the way her green eyes shone with feisty passion as she continued working, her eyes narrowing in concentration. As he watched her, sitting across from him, as a fierce hunger that he had never known rose to its climax. Tom Riddle had a crush, whether he liked it or not. Perhaps, he mused, watching her as a smile curled upon his lips, he was in love."
Notice the sentence fragment. Notice the word "feisty." Are non-MSs ever described as "feisty?" I think not. Also, I think greatevil should be a name for a plant. I want to grow greatevil! Next to the tomatoes!
eruthros: Delenn from Babylon 5 with a startled expression and the text "omg!" (BtVS cheeseman nonsense)
... especially on NC-17 slash stories.

Dedication: I want to thank my mother for her invaluable help with this story. She helps me even though she doesn't like slash stories.

I. There are no words.
eruthros: Delenn from Babylon 5 with a startled expression and the text "omg!" (BtVS cheeseman nonsense)
All stumbled across or sent to me in the last few days:

Story summaries:

Moony wants Padfoot, Remus wants Sirius but does Sirius feel the same?
(Because they're, um, different people?)

AU. Set during and after Buffy "Chosen" & HP "OotP" BTVSHP crossover. What if James and Lily didn’t die, but was sent forward in time? And landed beside a now destroyed hellmouth were they meet Buffy & CO?
(I ... don't even know where to start.)

Take five boys and a Sorting Hat, mix them up and bake in a moderate oven for six years. Warning, this is not a happy tale.
(Until golden brown; test with a clean fork before serving.)

Author's notes:

It might squeak you. On the other hand, I did some research and apparently what I wrote actually sometimes happen.
(I would so hate to be squeaked. It sounds undignified. And possibly painful.)

Disclaimers: I don't own anything HP, so don't please, don't sue! I own nothing except for my plot bunny of 'Bella' and my three OC's, Eathen Simone, Andre' DuPrea, and 'my' Bella.
(Because as we all know, Interesting and Innovative Doubled Vowels make any OC better! ... or possibly more Mary-Suey. One of the two.)

This is a short somewhat smutty little fic that started out with a question - is it possible to write a love scene between two people without divulging who they are, including their gender? This means that the chracters could be M/F, M/M or F/F. My question to you is – can you tell who the lovers are?
(My answer would be "no." To both questions. Especially if you're not using pronouns. Maybe it's in the third person neutral like in Turkish?)


In the meantime, I watch Stargate to distract me from reloading the Media Matters chart every ten seconds. La. The world will not end. La. If it does, I will still try to sleep tonight. La. I will not bitch out anyone for calling Florida for Bush while polls in Miami-Dade are still open. La. La. Ommmmmmmm.
eruthros: Gillian Anderson sitting with her head thrown back, laughing. (GA promo pic laughing)
How it works: go to ff.n and do a "search by story summary" for your name in either HP or LotR. Pick a Mary Sue or two to share the summary with everyone.

Let's see what we've got... )

Teh Random

May. 17th, 2004 08:36 pm
eruthros: Li Ann from Once a Thief with two guns, text "Li Ann" (OaT - Li Ann  red)
Weird things found on the net:
Henry Kissinger/Deep Throat. There are no words.

Also, I was scanning down a list of stories looking for something when I hit a really, um, striking pseudonym -- "Dementia de Sade." So not kidding. Is it humanly possible for anyone named Dementia de Sade to write decent fanfiction? (Clearly, it's not possible for this particular Dementia de Sade: "So in the morning when I don't come to the bridge for my shift, they'll come in here and find me with a bullet in my head (or maybe the wall behind me, I'm not sure how that will pan out....) and blood and brain and skull spattering the walls and ceiling. My brain, the one thing that's allowed me to stay here for so long, will be total mush. No use to anyone anymore. I'm sick of being used.")

***

Some selections from [livejournal.com profile] eruthros's Author's Notes Hall of Fame:
Since I have yet to see X2, this will be set somewhere before that. I am going to give Logan back his memory and make Xander his son.
(Ahh, the exposition starts BEFORE the story! How handy!)

I got bitten by the bug and it wouldn't let me go till this was written...was originally written as a VigOrli fic...have changed it to a HP/SS fic.
(Because they're *so much* alike.)
More ridiculous disclaimers, protestations, explanations of male pregnancy, and blame-shifting behind the cut )
***

And a meme. In theory, this meme tracks how many people click through your meme and all that. So it records the spread of the meme. Not, apparently, by lj user name or anything -- just by number, which is less cool. Still, interesting idea.



***

Also, the lyrics to this song amuse me no end. (I love Crosspulse. But they're not touring anymore. Sniffle.) It features verses like "o / bein your woman / is a 24 hour - allnightstand - jukeboxmovie / I'm auditioning for the lead / but / everybody's tryin to get into the act" and "from Egypt to Asia / I longed for you / Miami drove me crazy / I horned for you / will you be my baby / will you be my man / I need you in my China / forget about Japan." So not kidding. It really needs the inflection to make the song, though. (That playlist meme for me ended up mostly foreign languages and lyrics like that, so I didn't post it. Maybe someday, when I really feel like transcribing Portuguese. I have one that's mostly rock, a'course, but it's nowhere near as interesting.)

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