eruthros: Delenn from Babylon 5 with a startled expression and the text "omg!" (Default)
eruthros ([personal profile] eruthros) wrote2003-05-14 07:44 pm

In other news...

I want to write, or at least joke about writing, the following crossover:

X/X/X Smallville XXX.

That would be X-Files/X-Men/Xena/Smallville/XXX.

I've never even seen XXX, but I'm not letting that stop me. And I'm gonna do it without AU-ing a single universe, see if I don't.

Now, I'm thinking this would be set pre-XXX, around season 5/6 of the X-Files, pre-X-Men Issue 1, during current season of Smallville, and from any part of the Xena-verse you like.

Clearly, Lionel Luthor is into cloning and is on the outskirts of the Consortium. So Alex Krycek met a young Lex Luthor at a Consortium dealibob. They had a wild fling. The usual. And stayed in contact, naturally. Julian Luthor, of course, didn't actually die when Lex was five (that's an implanted memory); in fact, he was taken off by the big Consortium poo-bahs to be cloned.

Now, XXX's Yorgi's Eastern European terrorist cell is, of course, a breakaway group from the ever-popular Russian branch of the hybrid-testing semi-Consortium. Yorgi et al decided to stop being under-funded underdogs and start using some real high-tech equipment to make some money, as opposed to all this experiments-with-chicken-wire-and-still-no-one-pays-you stuff. Thusly, Krycek was sent into Prague to try and find out what Yorgi was trying to do and if the Consortium's secrets were in danger of being exposed.

Doesn't matter whether Krycek fails or succeeds; in XXX Xander is told that no spy has yet succeeded, but he's told that by American secret agents who want Yorgi out, whereas Krycek's operation may just have been observation. You can cut it either way, depending on how cool you think Krycek is.

In my view, Krycek fails in his mission to undermine Yorgi, but succeeds in a different way. During his spying, he learns that the Consortium has been funding yet another project to create creatures that can beat down the aliens and the bounty hunters.

Enter: the X-Men universe. This, of course, is pre-incorporation of the X-Men and pre-Prof X, so what Krycek reads about are projects designed to trigger latent, alien DNA in some humans. The X-Men mutations are all a result of this meddling by early generations of the Consortium. Krycek only finds out about two kinds: one may lead to an ability to morph like Bounty Hunters. Raven Darkholme is the end point of this project, and we'll never see her again, because she's the daughter of someone meddled with (ha! see, we know nothing about Mystique's 1880s momma and I'm AU-free) and Krycek can't find her since she can morph. The other experiment he reads about is, of course, Logan. Trauma in puberty brought about the triggering of alien DNA that coded for quick healing; noting this, the Consortium thought he'd be a good weapon against aliens if necessary, since he wouldn't die from their blood or be able to be possessed, so they took him and did the whole standard adamantium thing. Like you do. But Logan escaped.

So Krycek realizes that Logan's face didn't change over the course of the experiments, that he's probably still alive even today, and thinks to himself "huh, that would be a good man to have on my side." As per, when Krycek wants to find something in fanfiction, he drops a Mysterious Email to his lover: Lex. Mulder is being watched too closely to have him search for someone the Consortium wants found.

So Krycek's back in Smallville. Lionel's kept Lex in the dark about the consortium, so Lex thinks they're looking for another crazy meteor mutant. (As a side note: meteor mutants are, of course, results of extreme trauma and radiation that triggers alien DNA, a la the X-Files. It's a good thing that no-one in Smallville reports on the mutations, or the Consortium would be there in a heartbeat.) And Clark walks in on Lex and Krycek having Mad Kinky Sex and talking about finding this dangerous mutant dude. Clark being Clark, he jumps into the action (not that action) without thinking, 'cause he's all "oh no! searching for mutants is too dangerous for anyone but me with my mystic powers! plus, I'm feeling very conflicted about Lex having sex with other dude."

The gods from the Xena-verse are also mutants. As per. (See "Storm being worshipped as a god.") Ares is a bastard with massive healing abilities and all that jazz. And he's stuck in a tomb in Egypt, as in "The Xena Scrolls." He can only be released by a descendent of Xena, but that's okay: Chloe's mom is "Mel's" daughter. And Mel, as we all know, is Xena's descendant in 1942 Egypt. And Chloe gets a deal to go on a dig in Egypt from Lionel Luthor, who wants Ares released for reasons of being a bastard. (What? That counts as motivation!) And Chloe thinks she knows about the dig site, and about mutants, but clearly not enough, because she releases Ares. Whoops.

So Ares is the Big Bad. And he wants Chloe. And he's inciting people to kill all over Egypt.

But Clark superspeeds into Lex's office and finds out where they think Logan is. And beats Lex and Krycek there. So that Lex and Krycek walk in to find Logan and Clark locked in the standard unstoppable force/unmovable object deal (not like that). Clark can't break Logan's adamantium skeleton, and Logan's claws can't cut Clark's invulnerable skin. It looks like they could be at their fighting for hours until Lex shows up, susses out the situation, lets everyone know that his dad's up to something horrible, and distracts Clark and Logan enough for everyone to talk.

Then there's a big denouement, with the killing of Ares, which takes both Logan and Clark working hand-in-hand. And then there's the awkward conversation about whether or not Lex is gay and whether or not he likes Clark. And the bit where Logan and Krycek sneak out into the desert for some fabulous sex. Because Krycek likes it rough.

The End.

HAHAHA!

[identity profile] ryca.livejournal.com 2003-05-14 11:22 pm (UTC)(link)
You've made that work *frighteningly* well! I love it! You should write the whole thing out as an actual fic.