eruthros | Interventions

THE UNICORN/RAINBOW KIDFIC WAS A CRY FOR HELP

...not really. PS, I am writing Radiohead songfic RIGHT NOW, how did you KNOW?

PPS, there is no intervening in this fandom. we're past the point of no return, dude.

UH, excuse me, but as the author of both KID A and AMNESIAC, I TOTALLY have dibs here!

I think we can be fair, here, you know! Divide up the Radiohead songs equitably. I'm sure that some arrangement can be worked out.

you have dibs on . . . cries for help? can you call dibs on that?

eta: I'm a moron. Amnesiac is a Radiohead album? I am bad at music! so, in conclusion, you win. ;)

Both Kid A AND Amnesiac are Radiohead albums!! You have clearly not spent enough time in the dark with your head in the oven listening to Radiohead and being EMO!!

*points to own icon* has John hum "...an airbag saved my life..." and passes out from weight of own emo-grief!

I feel the lack, believe me! I have OK Computer in a box somewhere, does that count? Also, does it count if I stick my head in an electric oven?

Also, does it count if I stick my head in an electric oven?

No, that's just faking it. Poser.

does it count if I stick my head in an electric oven?

Ahaha; you know, this could be a Radiohead song itself. (Or a lost Philip K. Dick short story!)

No, of course it wasn't -- I know what was really a cry for help, but sadly, it is your story alone to tell.

ALSO, Radiohead songfic -- I just thought you seemed the type, dude. So I thought I would shame you here by calling it out!

Actually, maybe I should have said Evanescence. You know, "My Immortal" or something. Do you remember the Evanescence Vidding Period? I think it gets its own wave, practically. Like, third wave of vidding, 3.5 is Evanescence, fourth.

and yet, just above, I have demonstrated my ignorance of radiohead! I shame the nineties.

if you really wanted to callback to songfic, you should've said Sarah McLaughlin or Celine Dion or something. Remember that Spike/Xander fic where Xander was a secret cutter and always lit candles and spread out black silk before cutting his thighs and listening to Sarah McLaughlin's Surfacing? Because I DO.

(we should start a new community like sga_storyfinders, only it should be rememberthe90s_storyfinders or something, so people can be like, what was that x-files fic where Mulder and Scully were kept in an egg for a year and Mulder was forced to rape Scully to impregnate her and they kept hearing windchimes? or like, what was the due South fic where RayK was still getting beaten by his dad at 30-whatever years old and Fraser saves him and then they have healing sex? and then we can all be ruefully amused.)

CLEARLY IT MUST BE DONE.

I mean, how else will I be able to point people to the X-Files story where Krycek's a mute mermaid with sharp teeth? Or where Scully hires somebody to rape Krycek to get him out of Mulder's life? Without googling, I mean, which seems like work.

Man, I totally should've said Sarah McLaughlin, but I have blocked out that part of fandom. I pretend it didn't even happen in dS canon, and that takes some doing. (REALLY black silk? REALLY?)

hires someone to rape him, REALLY?

and, as if you forced me to find that fic for you. Alexandria Brown, baby: Waiting Here (http://www.abfic.com/waitinghere.html). I lied about the Surfacing; it seems as if the song in question is NIN's "Hurt," which, actually, that's almost worse. Perhaps I am conflating TWO Xander-is-a-secret-cutter fics? BUT I am not lying about the black silk. It's also one of the Xander's-dad-rapes-him fics, which, yeah.

YES really. It was part of this hugemongous multi-part series, possibly centered around Mulder and Krycek meeting at a cabin? And Mulder would be all "but I LOVE him, Scully!" and then she'd say "but how can you TRUST him?" and then eventually she hired said rapist and then told Krycek she'd tell Mulder that Krycek'd been cheating, see. Or something. So Krycek ran away and Mulder was sad. Fortunately, there were approximately 100 stories left in the series to fix that.

the X-Files story where Krycek's a mute mermaid with sharp teeth

I didn't know you were mocking something that existed -- because as an SGA AU, that would totally work. Actually, each member of the Team could plausibly be a mute mermaid with sharp teeth, each in a different way:

- cranky genius mute mermaid with sign language almost too fast to follow

- mermaid mute with PTSD from years on the ~~run~~ swim

- mute mermaid who swims expressively (but can still kick your ass)

- laid-back kinda dorky mute mermaid who turns vicious when his marine biologist is threatened.

*g* I'm pretty sure that it's the cracked-out x-files story, because I see it mentioned fairly frequently. It's called "A Fish Called Krycek." The real point here is that "mute" was meant to mean "almost totally incapable of communication with our hero." Mulder thinks of him throughout the story as "his pet" and says they don't know whether he's intelligent or a "dumb fish." Also, he masturbates to wildlife documentaries on mermen instead of porn. If anybody's read it more recently than I have, they could probably tell you whether there's any definitive sign of sentience at any point on the series (yes, series).

ALSO, I think that the laid-back kinda dorky mute mermaid story = teh awesome.

I think that the laid-back kinda dorky mute mermaid story = teh awesome.

Yes, we should get

graycastle to write it. You're closer, you go first. SGA: Your Fandom's Crack Is Our Daily Bread, and Tastier, Too.

PS the 6th grade Distant Future of Fandom learned about Catal Huyuk in social studies class this week.

hey! stop that! I refuse to write John as a mermaid. I HAVE STANDARDS YOU KNOW. Just because I wrote unicorn/rainbow mpreg kidfic doesn't mean I'm EASY!

Note that I was not encouraging you here! I was just sitting here all "heh, John as a mermaid." I am not the enabler, and you can't blame me at all.

I mean, I totally respect your standards! This is why I didn't tell the world which story idea made you fear an intervention.

...wait, which story idea was it? was it the pineapples thing?

*cough* no, it was unposted. Because I am a Good Friend. You may want to search your gmail for "bleach my cerebral cortex." It'll come back to you. You told it to me twice, once on the phone and once in that email. Just sayin'.

AHHHHH

I swear to god I had blocked it out! I forgot about it completely. It was eleven days ago, though, which is like four years in fandom time.

OH GOD. Thank you for not revealing my shame to the internet! You ARE a good friend. Now we will never speak of this again.

This is true! It is a problem of fannish time. Though I think there's a little more "bleached my cerebral cortex" going on there than there is fannish time.

I have not mocked you for it yet! You note! Except to be amused by your shame, actually. Rather than the actual story idea. Which is nothing in SGA terms.

if you really wanted to callback to songfic, you should've said Sarah McLaughlin or Celine Dion or something.

\o/ (http://cesperanza.imeem.com/video/q8Y2WmzM/speranza_sga_kingoftheworld/) ! My patheticness continues unabated!!!

I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT

ILU

I'm just sitting here grinning at how far over the line I've now gone. I mean, okay, fine, I did amnesia and Ray the angry clown in my last fandom, but between the dolphins, the incest, the songfic, and all that, I really feel like I am PROGRESSING as an ARTIST. \o/

And, since it is SGA, there will be no intervention! You'll say, okay, I've turned Rodney into an angry clown-dolphin having sex with his amnesiac brother John while listening to Celine Dion, and fandom will say: AWESOME.

we should start a new community like sga_storyfinders, only it should be rememberthe90s_storyfinders

I was going to say that we already have one, it's called my LJ, but I don't think I've read "A Fish Called Krycek" so I have to back out.

Oh, man. Do you have half an hour? Because, really, it's a Formative Fannish Moment. It wouldn't look so weird in SGA fandom, but in XF it is HILARIOUS.

re: your journal, That is why we need a community! I agree with

graycastle. No one fan can remember all of the crackfic of the nineties.

Never fear, I bookmarked it! ::g:: I have been trolling through sgastoryfinders a LOT recently, so I might...need a short break from Formative Fannish Moments (unless there's shunning. Is there shunning in this story??) but it'll get read.

No, but I think Mulder gets fired! It's almost like shunning, except for the part where it was a plot point in essentially every X-Files story ever.

Also, I think that fandom also needs another community, which will be for commentary on sgastoryfinders posts. Like, people will rush to post "new winner for weirdest post ever!" and will go there to ask such questions as "hi guys, I've looked back in the archive for a couple months but I didn't see anyone ask for it. does anybody have a link to the sgastoryfinders post where somebody asked for Punk's story about John walking into walls but thought John was really being abused?"

OMG

sga_storyfinders_requestfinders

BEST META COMMUNITY EVER

YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT. Because seeing the scene that people think of as the money shot is almost as good as reading the original story!

I mean, I'm not innocent here -- I totally think of the mac&cheese scene in Alpha Centauri as the money shot, and eventually had to tag it as such on delicious.

....is the egg one for real?

I believe that's "The Sound of Wind Chimes," and I was SCARRED.

*g* Dude, this is so nostalgic! In that way where I'm remembering all these hugely traumatic, scarring stories. This practically is that rememberthe90s community.

Quick, somebody ask for "Oklahoma" and we'll call it a day.

(Also, I provide a link to "Sound of Wind Chimes" for everyone's delectation.

I seriously considered dedicating my grad thesis to the authors of "Oklahoma."

That is so much awesome. So much. I don't even need to know what your grad thesis was on to make it awesome (though it might, I dunno, make it more awesome!)

Diagnosis of autism in children under three, which I don't remember having much to do with the story? I was mostly going for "almost as painful, but with less vomiting!"

*g* I'm guessing "shorter" as well.

I cannot believe that I read "Oklahoma" more than once. I must have had nothing but free time.

What is "Oklahoma?"

I once read a multi-part fic in which Mulder and Krycek were dragonriders on Pern. I think one of them was recovering from sexual abuse.

I now realize that this was not actually all that cracked-out, in the grand scheme of things. I mean, they could have been tulips. On dragonback.

Ha! Yes. A lot of things I thought were cracked-out when I was new in fandom turn out to be standards!

"Oklahoma" is a massive pre-series X-Files story. It's about, oh, 1000K. Mulder is investigating a serial killer (who kills children and quotes TS Elliot!) while slowly going completely bonkers. Suffice it to say that the old Mulder Torture Anonymous group? Gave it a 10/10 rating.

You might actually find it interesting, if you've got, like, twenty hours to spare. It's very 1996-fandom, but pretty well done (as I recall -- I was, in terms of fannish-age, SIX or something at the time, so I may be rose-colored-glassesing here). Also, it may fit into the whole buddy-cop thing you mentioned below -- it is a bit like that, with amnesia and going crazy and being kidnapped and so on. It was, for many years, my go-to story for comparisons -- "yeah, it was unpleasant, yeah, there were serial killers, but it wasn't OKLAHOMA, so."

It's available here, on quick google, and possibly also other places in better formatting.

ZOMG! I had forgotten the title, but it turns out I actually read some of this! Like, at least one chapter! Way back a billion years ago, before I had ever heard the term "hurt/comfort.'

HA. Well, it's more ... hurt/hurt, as I recall. With a lot of vomiting, Mulder being unable to eat, Mulder being drugged, Mulder being drugged by his friends, Mulder going crazy, Mulder reciting TS Elliot, and on and on.

It really was, as

panisdead says, a rite of passage in fandom. (Proving, I suppose, that we are all crazy people.)

Oh, Oklahoma.

Which led to the priceless summary of Iolokus, most of which I fail to remember, other than "and 90% less vomiting". Heh.

That is AWESOME.

I think I will use it all the time, now. "SGA fandom: it's got 90% less vomiting!" (Actually, that is SG1 versus Farscape. "We're like Farscape, with many of the same actors, and with leather pants, but with 90% less vomiting!" Also, 90% less writing. But I doubt they'd mention that.)

PS: I am now pondering tulips on dragonback. Would they fall off? Do they hold on with roots? What kind of Tulip would Krycek be? It is a quandary.

You know, at this point all I can really tell you is that it was set pre-X-Files, Mulder was tracking a serial killer in Oklahoma, it was unbelievably long, and people threw up a lot. Reading it was sort of a rite of passage in the fandom, or at it seemed so to me at the time. I believe I once sent one of the authors feedback on a different story and received a fifteen page treatise on why shipping Mulder and Scully was Wrong. (I mean, it was a friendly treatise, but fifteen. Pages).

See my comment above. I may have not finished due to vomiting; I'm funny that way. (Characters vomiting, not me. I miss the good old days, which may or may not ever have existed, when fic writers pretended that characters never used the bathroom for any purpose but sexy showers.)

1) Re: rite of passage, for serious. You had to have read it.

2) Re: plot, also there was a lot of TS Elliot. And I think possibly the Virgin Mary blessed Mulder 'cause he needed it? And then he was kidnapped by the bad guy? And also, didn't just throw up a lot but was anorexic sometimes too?

3) FIFTEEN PAGES? That is crazy-talk. Even if the actual treatise was brilliant!

I feel like this is a good place to bring up "Iolokus."

No, no, the framing epigrams there were, like, Walt Whitman!

I actually remember nothing about "Iolokus," except that there was poetry at the start of every chapter and there was a LOT of attention to Scully's maternal instincts. Also, I recall it making almost no sense, though that was true of basically everything that tried to deal with the X-Files arc.

I have fairly detailed memories of Mulder being tortured by one of his own clones. I think there were seven Mulder clones and, like, one was a serial killer, one was a prostitute, one was a soulless businessman, and...something else.

People placed a lot of significance on the story as meta-commentary on the show (so yes, it made no sense), and one of the defining examples--that I no longer remember why it was important, or how it was supposed to parallel--was that Krycek never actually appears onscreen, but is heavily present throughout the story nonetheless. He has sex with prostitute Mulder, of course.

Also, Scully has magical healing fertility-restoring sex with Marita. And Mulder has sex with Samantha, who has a clit ring. God, what else did I LEARN in grad school?

More than the show, even, Iolokus is commentary on the fandom. Also, both Mulder and Scully are really fucked up and crazy for most of it, which I enjoyed.

I think there were seven Mulder clones and, like, one was a serial killer, one was a prostitute, one was a soulless businessman, and...something else.

I bliev u hav mai Mulder-assassin. Surely there was a Mulder-assassin.

Is this a different Mulder than serial killer Mulder?

I think, yes. Because, there had to be one who turned out to work for The Man, right? Whereas the serial killer had long hair and a crazy neck tattoo, which he proceeded to flense off himself in order to convince everyone that he was the Realio Trulio Mulder, who did not himself have any crazy neck tattoos.

Wait, I distinctly remember the serial killer flensing original Mulder so he would be...mistaken for serial killer Mulder? So people would be unable to tell which one was which without restraints and a battery of psychological tests? Did he flense both of them?

Well, it was flense both their necks, or give the Realio Trulio guy a perfectly-matching tattoo. But yes, the idea was that they would be indistinguishable, the cops would kill the wrong guy, and Ebil SK Mulder would go home and do Ebil Things to Scully.

I am led to believe that the whole thing with the Catzilla, the pint of Ben & Jerry's, the superheroic nanny, the latkes, and the later birth of twins sadly does not constitute Ebil; therefore, the plan failed.

the whole thing with the Catzilla, the pint of Ben & Jerry's, the superheroic nanny, the latkes, and the later birth of twins

Whoa. I think I missed a sequel.

Oh yes! Everything but the twins (and possibly the latkes) happens in Iolokus 4. The twins are the subject of the ~~treacle monster~~ follow-up, that was Holidays spelled backwards.

... this entire thread is astonishing unto me. Flensing? Assassin-Mulder? Latkes? Huh?

I remember absolutely nothing of any of these plot points. Including the flensing. And I could swear I read Iolokus ten years ago. Perhaps I blocked it out?

http://www.geocities.com/mustangsally78/msrtindex.htm Did you read all 5 parts? (#5 is the treacle monster story, published much later.)

#1 involved the magically healing sex with Marita
#2 was the one where the clones were introduced (and something else happens)
#3 is serial killer territory (flensing)
#4 involves spurious lawsuits and Evil Hijinkery, also lots and lots of goopy sex (I say that literally) and the best nanny you could ever want.

It is a thing. (The whole series is spot-the-fic-stereotype, but it becomes really obvious in #4.)

Oh God! No! Don't make me re-live the '90's!!!

I got a treatise like that once, too, about something else. And it crashed Yahoomail due to its size. Its plaintext size.

The kicker was that I'm about 95% sure my original email made NO MENTION of MSR.

Your MSR tendencies were clearly implicit. I mean! You ... wrote them an email! So.

...remembering old XF fic that I read when I was fourteen is a bit like TRIPPING OUT. I don't want the bizarre things in my brain to be real! There was the one where M&S go through a portal to an alternate universe that's all sword and sorcery, and Scully becomes a WARRIOR/HEALER, a previously unknown combination, and Mulder becomes a, whatever, GUY WHO DROPS HIS GUN, I forget, but someone reads their auras and tells them what they ARE. And then mostly I remember Scully fighting on horseback with her hair all grown out. OH ADOLESCENT FANTASY.

and the thing is, there are like a million XF and Buffy fics like these in my brain, just waiting for the right memory trigger to jump out at me! I am in grave danger.

I was going to be all "oh my god!

graycastle's having flashbacks!" and, you know, try to be a concerned friend. Grave danger! Drama! Woe! A small chance of freezing while teaching to flash back to that AU where they were bunnies! Etc.

But then your swords-and-sorcery AU gave me a flashback to this picture and now I hate you forever instead.

The mist rising from the lake partially obscured the rider as he urged his stallion on. The dry, autumnal leaves crunched under the animal's hooves, and a light dew of perspiration bathed both horse and rider as they galloped. The horse was a bay stallion, his muscles rippling beneath a shining coat as his long, sturdy legs ate up the ground, his powerful flanks heaving with the exertion. The rider resembled his horse - long legs, taut muscles under tanned flesh, a wide brow and dark, intense eyes. There was a fusion of flesh, animal and human, as the rider and horse became one, moving with perfect synchronized precision across the valley floor, unaware that they were being watched.

WHY GOD WHY

worse is that I remember it. I mean, I had forgotten it (THANK GOD) and then you were all swords-and-sorcery at me and then... then... I had this flashback to naked Skinner on a horse and then I remembered that there was an associated story and, and. WOE.

I READ THE WHOLE THING OF OKLAHOMA. Even with all the vomiting. And the blackouts and shivering in corners and not eating and taking drugs and all that. I kept thinking there would be less drugs and vomiting, but no. But I KEPT READING ANYWAY in incredulous fascination.

The non-vomiting parts were well-written, I recall. Great realistic cop-sounding cruel banter and gritty crime scenes. BUT THEN THE VOMITING.

Well, I think it kinda suffered from being one of those hurt/hurt stories! Nothing good would ever happen to Mulder and his whole life had been fucked up! He couldn't even enjoy ice cream (because of the vomiting) or baseball (because of the, I don't know, psychotic flashbacks) or porn (because it was all a pretense to cover up his fucked-upness). Which, over 1000K? Kinda trumps the gritty banter and crime scenes, at least for me! Even without the vomiting.

Oh, Man! I was working for a huge State Institute of Higher Ed at the time and couldn't take the time to read it online but somehow managed to justify PRINTING it all out (on their dime, of course). I found the 4" binder with the whole thing about two years ago and chucked it out. I Should have saved it as an artifact!

ha! you beat me to it. man, I honest to god think that The Sound of Wind Chimes was the first (or one of the first) pieces of fanfiction I ever read in XF fandom. I was scarred also!

the best part was when the aliens sent them back to earth, and Scully had signs of having given birth (even though she hadn't been pregnant when she went missing, like, four hours before) and the FBI couldn't figure out what that meant, so just randomly charged Mulder with sexual assault. "Uh . . . she delivered a placenta with your DNA in it. You're a rapist? I think?" AWESOME.

I didn't remember that part! I actually don't remember it in ALL that much detail. Is this the same one where while they're captured aliens test their tolerances? Scully goes first and gets pain, so Mulder is all prepped for that but then they test pleasure? Then possibly he comes back and has sex with Scully, I don't know.

uh, maybe? I remember Mulder coming back into the egg-room with, like, the Giant Raging Hardon to end all the Giant Raging Hardons of fandom. And he had been put into a fuck-or-die mindset, or something, and so he rapes Scully, which gets her pregnant, which is the point (at the end, the aliens steal her baby OMG). I don't remember the pain-tolerance thing, but it may be because that Giant Raging Hardon is taking up too many bytes of memory.

Well, I linked to it above. You could go, you know, refresh your memory. *earnest nod*

That's totally it. I was thinking tolerance-testing and then alien sex pollen to precipitate the sex, but you're right, it was raging alien hard-ons.

Eeek! I had repressed that memory!

The only thing that would stop me from reading the nineties buddy cop movie fic would be that it is SGA, which I don't read. If it was in one of my fandoms, I would be all over it. (In fact, I think I have been all over it several times already.)

To be fair, I usually summarize that genre based on a real Sentinel story that I totally loved, in a junk food sort of way. As I recall, on top of multiple kidnappings, brainwashed-to-be-an-assassin, etc, it also involved sensory deprivation and an infected tattoo. And was at least 300K. I mock because I love!

Is now the time for a flashback to Life from the Ashes? Because I am pretty sure that Rodney has never turned into an ogre nor Ronon into a wizard, and I think that SGA fandom had better get cracking on that toot sweet.

As a bonus, all the women in canon are killed off in chapter 1!

Rocks fall, all the women die?

I actually never read Life from the Ashes! Which is incredible, because I would read just about anything back in the X-Files. Unless it was just impossibly godawful, and even impossibly godawful was okay if I was bored.

I understand it to be one of those post-apocalypticish ones? Where there's, like, a huge alien virus thing and then half the population dies and then Mulder and Krycek get together for some reason? Over the course of 1000+ K?

Viruses fall, and all the women who are not Scully die. (I do not think there was ever an explanation as to why she didn't die, except that she is Scully. Although, considering that it's her and 3 billion men on the planet, at least 2.5 billion of whom are inclinationally straight, I don't think she ever has sex again.)

So, the men not being afflicted with the virus, they start changing into various types, presumably to distract them from the fact that every woman they've ever met has died. Some are wizards, some ogres, some vaguely ghosty undead type of creatures, and Our Own Agent Mulder is turned into a rarity, some kind of pheromone-exuding sex-magnet perma-healing wonder. (There is considerable interest in the fact that, every time he has anal sex, afterward he "regains his virginity." I think this was written before the prevalence of Minotaur's sex site.) And then, all the characters (Okay, Krycek and Skinner) start fighting over him!!

It was a very long series of stories, so long I can't remember if I ever got to the end. But... ogres! And wizards! Fighting over a sex-magnet canon character (who weeps)! It's almost as good as the mythical (never read by me) Sentinel story about evil hyperevolved overlord cats who enslave mankind!!

...

......

Um.

Okay. Ogres and wizards. Sex-magnet perma-healing weeping Mulder. Check. That sounds hilarious.

But, for SGA, I guess... WHY NOT. SGA could totally do that these days! As

cesperanza says, we go there!

PS: I don't think I read the Sentinel story with the evil hyperevolved overlord overseer cats. But I did read at least a couple pages of the one where Jim was a panther-alien with a spikey penis, and Blair was being kept as a slave by Naomi who was probably a space whore or something and some guy she was into, and wore, like, gold chains in a cage, or something, and was twelve. And then Jim bought him. And events, I presume, unfolded. I think it was in a bazillion parts.

writes an AU where John is turned into a mute mermaid with really sharp teeth, and Rodney is the trusts-no-one-guy who works at the marine lab
I'd read that! But then I have a terrible weakness for mermaid stories, far more so than unicorns.

*g* A lot of the stories that were shocking in the X-Files are, as it turns out, hilarious in SGA fandom, and nowhere near the outer limits of SGA's crackiness!

that includes a slash scene where right in the middle of the action Rodney turns into a clown and John becomes a whale....

THAT WOULD BE AWESOME YOU SHOULD DO IT THE END.

/capslock

No, seriously. AWESOME.

I...wound up here somehow or other, and you have broken my head with nineties flashbacks. Also, I want to see that mermaid!John AU. Also also, you left out "writes a story where John and Rodney declare their undying selfless love and affection for each other and perhaps there is also naked caressing and/or making out, but they ARE NOT GAY, THEY ARE JUST FRIENDS."

HA. Yes. Not a lot of smarm left in fandom! Or at least, I don't see it.

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