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eruthrosSo I was talking to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lysimache last night about typos and bad fiction.
We were making fun of sentences like "that was his queue, Harry thought, and dove down to suck Snape's cock." I now want to write the story where there is, for some reason, a queue for Snape's cock. Harry's waiting impatiently behind Fred Weasley and reading the paper and chatting with McGonagall who's standing behind him and occasionally folding up his paper to say things like "hello? is this the slowest line in the universe?"
And then I mentioned this story where for unknown, unexplained, and probably ridiculous reasons, the Ministry requires Harry to have children by four big-time wizards. The Most Powerful Wizards in the land. Oddly, the first is Lucius Malfoy, so that he can have a Bad and Unpleasant first time. And I pointed out that this made no sense; the first should be Dumbledore. Not that I'm all "ooooh, Dumbledore/Harry" -- ewwww, no. But if you want that plot (such as it is) to make sense, it should be Dumbledore. "Could be equally traumatizing," I pointed out, "although, I suppose, without the whips. Hey, maybe Dumbledore's a secret Dom. Could happen."
Sudden Dom!Dumbledore conversation ensued. This should never have happened, so I'm sharing it with all of you. Lysimache even justified it:
And then I thought:
"It seems you've been getting happy again. We can't have you happy, Harry."
"We really must deal with this right away. Why don't you come by my office tonight? The password is 'pop rocks.'"
"Now, now, Harry, no complaints. You know what happened the last time we didn't take action quickly enough." With a twinkle in his eye. And a paddle in his hand. "Just close your eyes and think of Mr. Black. Think of the Order, Harry. You don't want to fail them, do you?"
"Now count for me."
lysimache last night about typos and bad fiction. We were making fun of sentences like "that was his queue, Harry thought, and dove down to suck Snape's cock." I now want to write the story where there is, for some reason, a queue for Snape's cock. Harry's waiting impatiently behind Fred Weasley and reading the paper and chatting with McGonagall who's standing behind him and occasionally folding up his paper to say things like "hello? is this the slowest line in the universe?"
And then I mentioned this story where for unknown, unexplained, and probably ridiculous reasons, the Ministry requires Harry to have children by four big-time wizards. The Most Powerful Wizards in the land. Oddly, the first is Lucius Malfoy, so that he can have a Bad and Unpleasant first time. And I pointed out that this made no sense; the first should be Dumbledore. Not that I'm all "ooooh, Dumbledore/Harry" -- ewwww, no. But if you want that plot (such as it is) to make sense, it should be Dumbledore. "Could be equally traumatizing," I pointed out, "although, I suppose, without the whips. Hey, maybe Dumbledore's a secret Dom. Could happen."
Sudden Dom!Dumbledore conversation ensued. This should never have happened, so I'm sharing it with all of you. Lysimache even justified it:
i think after OotP, we've all seen that maybe dumbledore wasn't as cuddly and fuzzy and grandfatherly as he'd seemed before. a little bit less of the old twinkle in the eye in this book, perhaps. after all, he's all, "yeah, i knew you were miserable, harry, but meh. your happiness would've interfered with my Master Plan." so sure, Secret Dom!Dumbledore... :P
And then I thought:
"It seems you've been getting happy again. We can't have you happy, Harry."
"We really must deal with this right away. Why don't you come by my office tonight? The password is 'pop rocks.'"
"Now, now, Harry, no complaints. You know what happened the last time we didn't take action quickly enough." With a twinkle in his eye. And a paddle in his hand. "Just close your eyes and think of Mr. Black. Think of the Order, Harry. You don't want to fail them, do you?"
"Now count for me."
