People I want to thwap with fish:
Nov. 16th, 2006 07:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eruthrosSome online, some at work, some people I don't even know: they all deserve a fish in the face.
I sum up the argument: "It can't be a feminist story if it's intentionally critiquing another story (that I like) by a woman!" "Well, we don't know authorial intent." "That doesn't matter! Even if it's an unintentional critique, I just can't read it as feminist, because it's mean to another woman." THWAP.
"Well, but he was from Turkey, so he can't be Orientalist, just Oriental." THWAP.
"President Bush never said Iraq and Al Qaeda were connected." "What about when he said that he was insisting on a relationship between them because there was a relationship between them?" "Yeah, well, nobody can show me a clip of that so I think it's just bullshit. God, why do liberals have such shitty logic?" THWAP.
Judith Regan, of ReganBooks, on the OJ Simpson book: "This is an historic case, and I consider this his confession." Yeah? You're paying him how much for that confession? Lovely. THWAP.
(No fish for Otto Penzler, of Penzler/Harcourt, who said he saw a moral problem with "enriching this lowlife in any way," for Patricia Schroeder of the AAP, who said it was "sickening," or for Sara Nelson of PW, who said "this is about trying to cash in, in a pathetic way, on some notoriety." And a handshake for NBC, who turned down the Simpson interview, saying "this is not a project appropriate for our network.")
[redacted]
I always picture fish-thwapping as a kind of Penny Arcade style comic, right? First panel, two people standing as total idiot says something totally idiotic. Second panel, reach into pocket of jacket, remove fish by tail. Possibly a mackerel. Third panel, cheek thwapped with fish, open "o" of a mouth, little flying fish scales making an action shot. THWAP.
ETA: One more. This is Glenn Beck of CNN's headline news interviewing Keith Ellison, newly elected representative (D-MN). And also, incidentally, the first Muslim in Congress. "OK. No offense, and I know Muslims. I like Muslims. I've been to mosques. I really don't believe that Islam is a religion of evil. I -- you know, I think it's being hijacked, quite frankly. With that being said, you are a Democrat. You are saying, 'Let's cut and run.' And I have to tell you, I have been nervous about this interview with you, because what I feel like saying is, 'Sir, prove to me that you are not working with our enemies.' And I know you're not. I'm not accusing you of being an enemy, but that's the way I feel, and I think a lot of Americans will feel that way." THWAP.
Some of my best friends are Muslims but, Mr. Ellison, please do prove a negative to me, because the majority who elected you in Minnesota is clearly concerned that you're working for the enemy. GAR.
I sum up the argument: "It can't be a feminist story if it's intentionally critiquing another story (that I like) by a woman!" "Well, we don't know authorial intent." "That doesn't matter! Even if it's an unintentional critique, I just can't read it as feminist, because it's mean to another woman." THWAP.
"Well, but he was from Turkey, so he can't be Orientalist, just Oriental." THWAP.
"President Bush never said Iraq and Al Qaeda were connected." "What about when he said that he was insisting on a relationship between them because there was a relationship between them?" "Yeah, well, nobody can show me a clip of that so I think it's just bullshit. God, why do liberals have such shitty logic?" THWAP.
Judith Regan, of ReganBooks, on the OJ Simpson book: "This is an historic case, and I consider this his confession." Yeah? You're paying him how much for that confession? Lovely. THWAP.
(No fish for Otto Penzler, of Penzler/Harcourt, who said he saw a moral problem with "enriching this lowlife in any way," for Patricia Schroeder of the AAP, who said it was "sickening," or for Sara Nelson of PW, who said "this is about trying to cash in, in a pathetic way, on some notoriety." And a handshake for NBC, who turned down the Simpson interview, saying "this is not a project appropriate for our network.")
[redacted]
I always picture fish-thwapping as a kind of Penny Arcade style comic, right? First panel, two people standing as total idiot says something totally idiotic. Second panel, reach into pocket of jacket, remove fish by tail. Possibly a mackerel. Third panel, cheek thwapped with fish, open "o" of a mouth, little flying fish scales making an action shot. THWAP.
ETA: One more. This is Glenn Beck of CNN's headline news interviewing Keith Ellison, newly elected representative (D-MN). And also, incidentally, the first Muslim in Congress. "OK. No offense, and I know Muslims. I like Muslims. I've been to mosques. I really don't believe that Islam is a religion of evil. I -- you know, I think it's being hijacked, quite frankly. With that being said, you are a Democrat. You are saying, 'Let's cut and run.' And I have to tell you, I have been nervous about this interview with you, because what I feel like saying is, 'Sir, prove to me that you are not working with our enemies.' And I know you're not. I'm not accusing you of being an enemy, but that's the way I feel, and I think a lot of Americans will feel that way." THWAP.
Some of my best friends are Muslims but, Mr. Ellison, please do prove a negative to me, because the majority who elected you in Minnesota is clearly concerned that you're working for the enemy. GAR.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-17 12:55 am (UTC)*joins you in fish-thwapping-extravaganza*
I can't believe there is so much dumbass in the WORLD.
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Date: 2006-11-17 01:16 am (UTC)There is so much stupid in the world that my fish is broken.
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Date: 2006-11-17 02:18 am (UTC)but no worries: we will get you another fish. There may not be enough fish in the world to thwap all those who need thwapping, but we'll be up to our knees in glassy little eyeballs and gory newspaper before we stop trying.
I think I'm going to go embroider that on a cushion, actually.
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Date: 2006-11-17 02:40 am (UTC)And that would be a wonderful cushion. Will you embroider a fish on it with little x-ed out eyes, too?
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Date: 2006-11-17 09:16 am (UTC)(He did give Tycho a fish once. Glitch in the plan: no aquarium.)
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Date: 2006-11-18 01:01 am (UTC)I remember that! Tycho was sick, and he was all "fish, you ought to know one thing, we don't plan around here." Or something.
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Date: 2006-11-17 01:56 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2006-11-17 05:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-17 06:21 am (UTC)But wouldn't it be satisfying while it lasted? "Hi, I'm coming in 'cause I'm supposed to graduate next month, and I wanted to make sure I'd done all the requireme--" THWAP!