Linguistic adventures on the net
May. 13th, 2005 05:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eruthrosAs near as I can tell, this headline makes exactly no sense: "Wal-Mart warns on profits target." And it's a bbc.co.uk headline, yet! (I can work out what they mean based on the article -- blah blah Walmart thinks it'll be below expected profits blah -- but.)
In recent story summaries that I've received on hpfanficrecs (the things that get recced make me wince) or have seen while browsing, we have the following:
"There's no Harry Potter,but Avernus Noir.Harry had been neglected since his sister was the Girl Who Lived.At four,Harry had been kicked out of his home because a baby.Adopted by the Noir family, Harry attended Hogwarts when he was 15.Vote!Poll Inside."
I do not understand this at all. He was kicked out of the Potter family because a baby... what? Was born? Hung out? Taught salsa dancing? And then he was adopted, and then was ... a late admission to Hogwarts? Students of non-traditional age?
***
"Ranma Soatome hasn't been feeling to well lately. He's been breaking out into fevers and even having fainting spells. But the end result just might make him the new student of Hogwarts."
This may well be my favorite ridiculous crossover EVER. I quote the first paragraph:
***
"Touch is heaven and hell, pain and relief. Touch is deliberately caused. Or not? Can you distinguish love from hate, lust from indifference in the touch? Sometimes you don't seem to know at all; can't judge coincidence from intention; can't trust yourself. You can only give in and let the fingers burn you, brand you, own you."
... oookay. The story is actually decent; the author just needs to get someone else to write summaries. Because "Touch is deliberately caused. Or not?" is just too giggle-worthy for words.
***
"This is about Harry in his 6th year. it corresponds with 'What Goes Around, Comes Around.' it's going to be funny. i know i made the first chapter really suck, but that's life. it'll get better. i promise!(crossees fingers:even though i suck at writing!)"
I have no words. None.
***
"Tom Riddle, a name associated with fear, darkness, and unimaginable evil and power. Yet there was one who knew something else. One who watched quietly in the background as a greatevil grew. This is the story of Aurelia Hymes... the girl who loved Tom Riddle"
Shouldn't that say "... the girl who was a Mary Sue?" And this was RECCED, people. RECCED. I quote the first paragraph:
In recent story summaries that I've received on hpfanficrecs (the things that get recced make me wince) or have seen while browsing, we have the following:
"There's no Harry Potter,but Avernus Noir.Harry had been neglected since his sister was the Girl Who Lived.At four,Harry had been kicked out of his home because a baby.Adopted by the Noir family, Harry attended Hogwarts when he was 15.Vote!Poll Inside."
I do not understand this at all. He was kicked out of the Potter family because a baby... what? Was born? Hung out? Taught salsa dancing? And then he was adopted, and then was ... a late admission to Hogwarts? Students of non-traditional age?
***
"Ranma Soatome hasn't been feeling to well lately. He's been breaking out into fevers and even having fainting spells. But the end result just might make him the new student of Hogwarts."
This may well be my favorite ridiculous crossover EVER. I quote the first paragraph:
"Voldermort was sitting in his chair. He tried to get close to Harry to kill him but was too unknowingly well protected. Stupid undercover Auras. Voldermort considered himself the most powerful wizard ever but even he had his limitations. Question was: what was he going to do?"... Soatome! Voldermort! As near as I parse the second sentence, Voldermort was unknowingly well protected, which rendered him unable to kill Harry! And my favorite: undercover Auras! *dies laughing*
***
"Touch is heaven and hell, pain and relief. Touch is deliberately caused. Or not? Can you distinguish love from hate, lust from indifference in the touch? Sometimes you don't seem to know at all; can't judge coincidence from intention; can't trust yourself. You can only give in and let the fingers burn you, brand you, own you."
... oookay. The story is actually decent; the author just needs to get someone else to write summaries. Because "Touch is deliberately caused. Or not?" is just too giggle-worthy for words.
***
"This is about Harry in his 6th year. it corresponds with 'What Goes Around, Comes Around.' it's going to be funny. i know i made the first chapter really suck, but that's life. it'll get better. i promise!(crossees fingers:even though i suck at writing!)"
I have no words. None.
***
"Tom Riddle, a name associated with fear, darkness, and unimaginable evil and power. Yet there was one who knew something else. One who watched quietly in the background as a greatevil grew. This is the story of Aurelia Hymes... the girl who loved Tom Riddle"
Shouldn't that say "... the girl who was a Mary Sue?" And this was RECCED, people. RECCED. I quote the first paragraph:
"He watched her, and studied her every movement - the way her blonde curls glimmered in the light, and the way her green eyes shone with feisty passion as she continued working, her eyes narrowing in concentration. As he watched her, sitting across from him, as a fierce hunger that he had never known rose to its climax. Tom Riddle had a crush, whether he liked it or not. Perhaps, he mused, watching her as a smile curled upon his lips, he was in love."Notice the sentence fragment. Notice the word "feisty." Are non-MSs ever described as "feisty?" I think not. Also, I think greatevil should be a name for a plant. I want to grow greatevil! Next to the tomatoes!
