Casual ableism

[eruthros]

I had a morning full of casual ableism, overheard on the street and on the bus and in PT. I'm a bus-eavesdropper, and bus social-pattern-watcher; sometimes it's really fascinating, and sometimes it really sucks. Today was ... sort of both.

Conversations reproduced here:

1. "My sister doesn't like to go out of the house, so sometimes we have to make her."
"Really?"
"Yeah, she claims she's agoraphobic or something, but she's really just lazy. She got a doctor to say she's depressed, but I think she just needs to get more exercise."
"Oh, absolutely getting out of the house will help with that."
"Yeah, like, the other day, we said we'd take her out to lunch, and then we said we couldn't drive in the snow so we would walk. And within a block, would you believe it, she said she was tired and her feet hurt and she wanted to go home! We made her go to the restaurant anyway -- she wasn't really tired, it was all in her head."

This conversation was between two people in my aquatherapy group: two people who, in fact, get tired when they walk. But they have physical diagnoses. Depression, as you know, is not a "real" thing, and can be "cured" with exercise. Also, you should always lie to people who are depressed, and refuse to believe them when they say they're tired, because they're not REALLY tired. You know better than they do! You can diagnose them from a distance! ARGH.

2. "She just won't go to sleep at her bedtime."
"Kids today!"
"Well, she's on some medication that makes her agitated."
"I don't care how strong the medication is, you have to make it clear that there are LINES that she can't cross. Bedtime is bedtime."

Yes, guys, side effects can be reduced if authority figures make rules! Also, rules and lines are the same for everyone, regardless of circumstances!

3. "Do you really need the walker?" the bus driver asked a young woman, when she asked him to kneel the bus.
"YES," she said, and waited for him to push the button.
He heaved a great sigh and rolled his eyes while he waited for her to leave.

He knows better!

Bonus 4: We had a substitute PT in aquatherapy today, who was all "but it doesn't really hurt, right?" at me when I said I couldn't do an exercise.

Unifying theme of my morning: you don't know your own mind, you don't know your own body, your affliction doesn't count. ARGH.

Comments

[trouble]

Wow, that bus drive is awful, and that PT in aquatherapy should shut up. :(

[eruthros]

I hate that PT -- she pushes people to deny their pain, and she doesn't pay attention to people while they're exercising. She'll just sit in the corner of the room except when she's telling people to try another ten reps. ARGH.

[sixbeforelunch]

I'm sorry to wander in like this from skimming my network page, but as someone who was nearly housebound with agoraphobia for nearly a year, #1 makes me want to scream.

I just love it when people assume they know what's going on in your head/body better than you do...

[eruthros]

Yeah, it sucks a lot -- as if you're not there in your body feeling what you feel. Ugh.

[monanotlisa]

:(((

[eruthros]

AGREE.

[livrelibre]

Argh indeed. It's too bad cluesticking is not allowed.

[eruthros]

You do remind me, however, that I have an icon of fish thwappage!

[yarram]

{{icon love}}

[such_heights]

Argh. I really wish I could be shocked by any of this, but really I'm not.

"she wasn't really tired, it was all in her head."

*headdesk*

[eruthros]

Yeah, it's not really different from any other day, sadly. Just a lot of ARGH.

[shaenie]

Oh my God, I am choking all of those people with my brain right now.

[eruthros]

That is a GOOD IDEA.

[pocketmouse]

I have a friend who's an undergrad in college, and he walks with a cane. He can't take the bus during rush hour because no one ever gives him a seat.

[eruthros]

That sucks, but it's sadly common. Because people have invisible disabilities, I don't want to ask anyone to get up, because I don't know their situations -- I just wish people who could sit elsewhere would.

[telesilla]

Wow, people suck. :( Sorry you had to hear that.

[eruthros]

The worst of it is that really any day could and probably is like this -- any twenty minute span of time on the bus and in the pool -- but often I'm not paying attention.

[sasha_feather]

Your posts about this type of behavior have really driven home for me how not believing someone or not taking them seriously is such a massive tool of oppression. It's so amazingly prevalent once one starts noticing it. It's so insidious.

[eruthros]

I think that's a really good way to put it -- it really is just this casual way that people ignore what someone says about hir experience. No matter what the axis of oppression, it's always "I'm sure it wasn't that bad" and "I'm sure he didn't mean it" and "you're overreacting."

[sasha_feather]

It's a silencing technique! Your pain is making me uncomfortable, so be quiet about it, or listen to me dismiss it, or whatever. As opposed to just saying, "that is hard" or "I'm sorry". And when no one takes you seriously, well, it's hard to give credit to your own experience!

[plazmah]

Argh what the fuck is WRONG with people?! D:

[eruthros]

Ableism? *g*

[lauredhel]

Didn't you know walkers are the new fashion accessory? All the young TAb hipsters are doin' it!

[eruthros]

Oh, man, I'm so behind the times! I just now got my skinny jeans -- now I have to get a walker too?

[lauredhel]

It's all ironic and shit. Do try to keep up!

[sasha_feather]

This post has been included in a linkspam at access-fandom. Thank you!

[sirdrakesheir]

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF


THAT'S ALL.

[bironic]

Holy crap, what a bunch of assholes.

Thank you for continuing to post things like this. They're helping one more person become more aware of these kinds of harmful comments and attitudes around her.

[sunflowerp]

Caught this at Access Fandom - and, @#$%&*@#$%&*@#$%&*!!!

#1 was particularly disturbing - while I'm not agoraphobic, I do deal with chronic depression. And that just... frack, what kind of person "helps" someone to get out more by making it as hard as possible?

Sunflower

[(Anonymous)]

Linked here by trouble....fuck, they're all awful, but 2 just made my blood run cold. I spent a decent percentage of my childhood being yelled at for my sleep disorder, for which "bedtime is bedtime" is the worst possible rule.

[lexin]

Here from I'm-not-quite-sure-where... that sister's meal in #1 must have been so miserable. I mean, she'd not only walked there when she didn't want to and wasn't up to it, she'd got the walk home to contemplate, too. Ugh!

When I was very tired, in the depths of depression, I had to leave work early quite often so that I still had sufficient energy to get myself home safely. Walking out into oncoming traffic (as I did several times) because I was so exhausted - really, not a good plan.

[jesse_the_k]

Ugh. Thanks for taking the time to let us know we're not alone in hearing these things. (Sometimes I get overwhelmed and angry and then the inner oppressor say, Oh, you're just too sensitive.)

[pseudo_tsuga]

Came here from <access_fandom. The first one made me want to punch those people, especially since I had to deal with a lot of internalized ablism when I figured out I had depression and those type of comments are why. ("Just power through it! You're just being lazy and whiny! Other people have it so much worse than you!")